peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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