Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
