K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
