I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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