Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
