If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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