She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
