Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
