I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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