I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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