there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
