omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
