Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
