Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
