you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
