We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
