Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
