Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
