I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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