i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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