oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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