I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
