this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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