So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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