In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
