We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
