Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
