I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
