so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
