when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
