...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
