The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
