My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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