So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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