I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
