We won't sleep together?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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