next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
