Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
