I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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