Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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