Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
