and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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