Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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