ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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