I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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