you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
