I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
