Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
