I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
