i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
