I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
